Definitions: Caring and Kindness

When considering the values typically associated with women, I keep coming up against the 'caring' term.  While many women may see caring as a key value to them, I struggle with it.  Friends tell me that they see me as Caring.  But I don't.  While thinking during my swim at the swimming pool the other day, I differentiated between caring and kindness.

I believe I am kind, rather than caring.

While travelling home from a conference, Vanda and I were on the tube and I saw a businesswoman, obviously very upset, but trying really hard not to cry in public.  As we got off the train, I offered to walk across the station with her, told her the station staff could assist if required, and had a few supportive words with her as we walked across the station. She had had a rubbish week. I asked whether there was anyone would be at home when she got in, and she said her children would.  We had a few more supportive words, and she had calmed down enough to get her train, and look reasonably ok - which I don't when upset: I go bright red and puffy and it takes hours for my face to return to normal.  Vanda thought this was very caring - but I thought I was being kind.  Partly I had gone back into Duty Manager mode, and I regularly had these sorts of conversations when I was working.

But also, this was a one-off interaction with a distressed woman.  I gave enough support to get her on her way, while being fairly sure it was a single interaction with her.   The length of the relationship was up to me.  Kindness is easy when it is on my terms!

Consulting Ayto's Dictionary of Word Origins shows kindness to be split onto Kind and ness. As a noun, Kind comes from the Germanic meaning kin, folk, or birth origin, nature, race, to produce. (Kin also links with gene/genetics/generate/generous/genteel)  However as an adjective it meant natural, innate, of noble birth, well-disposed by nature, and by the 14C means benign, compassionate.
Ness means nose, (nozzle, nuzzle) but could be interpreted as 'giving direction to', or geographically, promontory.

Caring is not in Ayto's dictionary, but care is.  There is no definition given, but words derived from the Indo-European 'gar' are garrulous and slogan, plus the Old English chary which originally meant sad.  Chambers Dictionary defines Care as affliction, anxiety, heedfulness, oversight, medical or social welfare services; and defines Caring as compassionate, concerned professionally with social medical etc, welfare .

Caring, to me, implies a long term, ongoing relationship with one other person.  Or it may be a long term behaviour pattern of a person, to many people.  Caring is an active verb.  My experience of caring is that it is a duty, which may or may not be wanted by either the carer or recipient.  Caring is usually required long term and is driven by the needs of the recipient, not the carer.  For me, caring was associated with the relationship being long-term and unappreciated by a demanding and insatiable individual - which made me want to walk away.  Caring is not easy, because it is not always on my terms.

Kindness, to me, is behaving in a way that enables people to be supported and treated well/gently/appropriately to ease their path in life - just how I believe family 'should' treat each other.