Coming to terms with frustrations with writing

For the first 2 months of this year, I really struggled to make any progress with my writing.  Actually I didn't make any progress for the first 6 weeks, and had to force myself to write in the last 2 weeks.  So instead, for the first 6 weeks, I focussed myself on creating a sketchbook about the objects that toilet cleaners use.

It's a different mindset for me.  When in art class (I do nearly all of my artwork in a class), I find it really easy to get into flow.  Before the class, I idly wonder whether it will be a more productive class, or a less productive class for me - because I am aware my output varies considerably.  But I'm not bothered about it.  Whereas I am bothered about whether my writing is 'good', on target, articulate, makes salient points, well referenced - in fact any criteria by which it can be judged.

When at art class, I usually end up with 5/6 attempts at an exercise.  I'm really calm about the outputs - I know the first couple are usually naff, and that one will be really quite pleasing, another later one will be naff.  And I don't know which one will be the one, that conveys whatever it was, that I was thinking about.  Naff pages are part of the process.  And I'm quite ok about this.  Possibly because I like the end product of 'The Sketchbook'. I like to see the exploration of a subject, and you need naff pages to show how thorough the exploration was, so they need to be kept and included in the record.  I also like to see notes on the facing page that explain what I was thinking about, who was inspiring the work, what media were used, and the order of activities.

I like being able to submit sketchbooks, particularly concertinas, for assessment because they get a good response from other students.  Is this because they are unusual?  Because it is easier for the viewer to read from their own perspective? Because they can be handled? Because of the tactile qualities and visual variation?  Because of what they are not - not monochrome, not blocks of text, not close focus?

I have to say, I am delighted with the Toilet Cleaners sketchbook I have made.  And a month on, I can see that it is an equally valid demonstration of research and thought, as a written piece of work.  As an artist, why do I feel research has to be demonstrated through writing?  Is it the focus of British education?

So, I need to apply my 'ok-ness' about art and sketchbooks to my writing process.

1.  When I write, I don't know whether it will be a more or less productive writing session. This is ok.
2.  My output varies considerably in quality - and this is ok.
3.  Each writing session will produce a certain number of paragraphs.  The first will usually be quite naff, but there will be one, that will be ok.  But I don't know which one it will be.  So I have to write them all.  This is ok.
4.  If I want to see the exploration, and the evidence of process, I need to print more small bits, and keep them in a 'Writing Sketchbook' so I have a tangible artefact.  Electronic versions don't do it for me and I don't want lots of e-versions cluttering up the memory.  It's important to EASILY identify the most recent version.
5.  Maybe I'm finding the writing hard because, at heart, I'm an artist!

Advanced Sampler Workshop, Fitzwilliam Museum, Eilene Cross. 23/3/18

Yesterday I went to Cambridge, Fitzwilliam Museum to a Sampler Workshop.  It was the best workshop I’ve attended in a long time.  Eilene Cross, is a stitch researcher and tutor from San Francisco.  It would appear she regularly tours the UK and Europe, researching specialised textiles – in this case, the 17^th sampler by Elizabeth Billingsley in the Fitzwilliam collection.   Prior to her retirement, she was working in the biotechnology industry (holds PhD in physics) and was very active mentoring girls in science education.  She said she had always taught stitch in her leisure time.

We were working on 30 count linen, with 4 colours of silk threads.  I learned 2 new stitches – Montenegrin stitch and detached buttonhole.  Eilene also taught us how to finish off our threads the same way as the 17^th century stitchers.  Because the embroidery frames these girls used were heavy and static, they could not be turned over to finish threads on the back.  So you run the thread under the Montenegrin stitch on the front.  Because it is so dense, the thread won’t show, but you need to snip it off very closely.  

What was amazing was the level of detail Eilene had researched about the way Montenegrin stitch is worked.  She had been given access to the back of the sampler, and must have studied it using incredible magnification, because she had worked out the direction of each stitch.  Montenegrin stitch is a version of cross stitch – but a very, very complicated version – which varies how it is stitched depending on whether it is worked up or down, left or right, straight or around a corner.  Eilene gave out about 50 handouts of large scale diagrams so we could work a replica of a section of Elizabeth Billingsley’s sampler.  This was a huge amount of research and analysis – and she gave it to us freely on a one day workshop!

Eilene had worked a replica of Elizabeth Billingsley’s sampler.  She had studied the stitch directions in such detail that she had worked out that half way through the sampler, the stitch directions had altered, thus giving a different pattern on the back.  The first version gave a thick coloured line and the later version gave a tiny pattern of squares.   Eilene’s opinion was that the first version was preferable because on the front it gave better coverage.

I was very glad I had taken my cumbersome illuminated magnifier because the scale of stitches was so tiny.  I also tried out Eilene’s thread conditioner – a block of silicone – which saved the wear on the single silk thread.  I also tried my beeswax when I got home, and silicone seems to work much better.  I worked on my sampler for about 4.5 hours in class – and completed about 1 square inch!  The pattern we have been given is about 8” x 10”!

We had a debate in class about why Montenegrin stitch was used back in the 17^th century, as it is so complicated.  No actual answer was established, but one person on my table (researcher from Norway, Nordic/Language/History studies) observed that older languages are very complicated, and as languages modernise, they become simpler.  So is it the case that Montenegrin stitch gives great fabric coverage but is very complicated, and cross stitch is the simpler, more modern version?  She was looking at stitchwork in Norway and had tried to replicate Montenegrin stitch from a book – and failed! – so came to this class to learn it – successfully!.  This demonstrates there is a different type of learning achieved from doing and practising, rather than reading and theorising.  There is a place for both. 

I asked why samplers had gone out of vogue – again no definitive answer, but general acceptance that as life has accelerated, mechanisation has come into sewing, and with the advent of sewing machines, deskilling has taken place. 

Of the 9 people in the class, quite a few of us simply sewed for pleasure.  Some repetitively made samplers – often used for commemorative reasons – others just ended up in a drawer.  I don’t really get this.  I like things to have a narrative and a use, or to be of appeal to a wider audience. 

I’ve mounted the Montenegrin stitch sampler on a roller frame, which makes it much faster to work.  While I’m researching my Liverpool St toilet cleaners, I don’t have any stitch of my own design to complete.  So I’ll practice my historical stitch skills on Eilene’s sampler and include it in my Masters portfolio.

Eileen Cross's copy of a section of Elizabeth Billingsley's sampler

Reverse of Sampler.  See left hand border
Shows how the change in order of stitches in Montenegrin stitch affects the pattern on the reverse.

Bottom of sampler.  We did not get this section in our kit.

This is the section of the sampler given in our kit.
It has a LOT of Montenegrin stitch.

My efforts from the workshop.  This took 4.5 hours!
Montenegrin stitch worked from the right and left, up and down, and around corners.
A VERY complicated stitch!

Interviews with Interserve Cleaners

What a productive morning!  The weather is improving and I'm firing on all cylinders!

I travelled to Liverpool Street today and spoke to Andrew and Samuel, and was given permission to talk to their female cleaners.  They were three lovely ladies - Gifti, Mavis and Shanpong.  They told me about what it was like being a cleaner at the station.  I think they were pleased someone was interested in the job they did and recognised it is not an easy job.

What was interesting was the background around why they do this job.  Gifti, Mavis and Shanpong are all Ghanaian cleaners, working in the UK and supporting their extended family back in Ghana.  In Ghana, there is no state pension, so old people are wholly dependent on younger family members to support them.  They were all supporting their mothers, and some children back in their home country.   Gifti and Mavis were both hairdressers back home, but this does not pay much money.  Also unless you work in a Government job (hard to get), you were quite likely to be working in a casual job, hourly paid - and, appallingly to me, very often they did not get paid for work once they had done it!  So working in the UK, for Interserve, they were guaranteed to be paid for the work they have done, and in comparison to Ghanaian rates of pay, it was good money.

One of these ladies was quite upset about how customers treated them.  She preferred to be working in public areas with lots of people around.  She was very unhappy about working alone in the downstairs toilets, as last week when she was cleaning the men's toilets, a man exposed himself to her.  Also people leave blood and faeces in toilets without flushing them, and sometimes vomit without informing the staff a special clean is required.  

When I asked how customers valued their work, none of them said any customers said thank you!  I think the recognition of this project is important to them.

Their values centred around being hard workers, financially supporting their families, caring for them and being humble before God.  They usually went home once a year, and were very much looking forward to seeing their Mum and children again.

They are good women.

Their own language is Twi, and when I spoke to Samuel (their Ghanaian supervisor), he said he could  translate the 4 values I will put on the bottom of the sampler, into Twi.

Women's History Month at Dundas Street Gallery

I flew to Edinburgh again today for the Women's History Month private view at Dundas Street Gallery.  It was very successful.  The gallery was heaving with people.  My friend Lori had travelled by train to Edinburgh and it was delightful to see her.  She said she scarcely recognised me - having never seen me with a dress and make-up before!

Two pieces of my work were shown - the Self Portrait, and the Portrait of Aunt Joan.  They were staged well but not brilliantly.  I had a prime spot, on a pillar, right in the centre of the room, with a spotlight on the work.  The samplers were high enough on the wall, but there was a crease across one of them, which I would have ironed out.  The artist statement was too small and sited too low, and in the shadow beneath the work (this was the same for everyone).  My work looked good and lots of people commented on them.  Very flattering!

I liked the pussy hat; the indigo dyed labels, and another stitched piece "I belong here", written in the form of a French verb list.  I spent time talking to this artist, Nathalie Cortoda.  She is French, but has lived in Scotland for 20 years (with a pronounced Scottish accent!).  She was the victim of a violent xenophobic verbal attack, and this led to a stitched piece on vintage water damaged canvas, found yarn and recycled MDF.  

Nathalie Cordova.
This won my Best in Show vote.

Samantha Boyes.  "Along the Same Vein (daughter 11, mother 45, grandmother 82)
The threads/veins with hold the females in my family together are diverse and strong.  From innocent - to divorced and bankrupt, to old age and the loss of two dear husbands.

Cate Newton.  Big Pussy Helmet

Shan Monteith Mann.  Viewers' choice.  Best in Show.
And it sold - Hurrah!

Sophie Ferguson.  One Thousand Labels
This one sold.  Hurrah! 

I also liked the subversive nature of Samantha Boyes Along the Same Vein, where she had cast 3 hands in plaster.  Each hand 'gave the finger', but each hand was from a different person - the first was her young daughter, the next her own, and the last was her Mother's arthritic hand.  ' From innocent ... to divorced and bankrupt ... to old age and the loss of two dear husbands'.  Brilliant.

I went out for a meal with Samantha and her 3 friends - lovely meal, (if horrendously over-priced) with great company from people I had never met before.  Then a taxi back to the hotel, exhausted.

Tutorial with Jill 14/3/18

NOTES OF TUTORIAL - JILL JOURNEAUX/CATHY MACTAGGART

Wednesday 14 March 2018

Good tutorial which left me feeling upbeat.  I’m coming back on stream after the grey start to the year. 

I showed Jill my latest concertina sketchbook on the subject of Public Toilets.  It’s always encouraging when someone likes your work, and to see how they physically handle it.  I fully extend it on a long table or the floor, to see it complete.  Art class friends read it as a traditional book, one page at a time.  Jill caressed and manipulated it, standing upright, into waves and circles.  Sketchbooks are tactile and it was great to see it handled.

I’d been playing with a new form of poetry to add to the sketchbook, for an exhibition that it might fit – the Festival of Bath.  I’ve not done any poetry before, but felt confident to try the Oulipo style as it’s a word game.   I read my poem out loud for the first time, and it needed the inflexion of the punctuation. (I read it out in art class today as well and the class understood my interpretation as well).

I said I’d been snowed in for a while in Scotland, so a 4 day trip turned into 10 days, but during this time I’d also been at the Women’s Library.  (Forgot to print Glasgow Herald article about Women’s Library – Will add to portfolio for PRP development plan).

We discussed my chosen artists and why I’d chosen them.  Jill is not sure why Cornelia Parker is feminist – she’s not, but I admire the way Parker has used prisoners to stitch the majority of the Magna Carta, and clearly names all participants in the credits.  Now my arm is less sore, I need to manipulate the ordering of the artists and explain why I link/cluster them and how themes develop.  I might need to add in some more artists – maybe Andrea Deszo and Nancy Spero.  I like Deszo’s subversive remarks about her Mother’s view on life; and Spero’s definitions and use of the Archetype.

We discussed progress on the Cleaners’ sampler.  I’d spoken to Andrew, the Cleaning Supervisor at Liverpool St.  I’d also spoken to (and documented) Interserve HR Call Centre, who said it was up to the local supervisor to authorise.  We debated the best time to gather data – whether to interview on nights when the staff might have more time – and decided to conduct interviews on day shifts (otherwise a new Ethics Form would be required).  (After the meeting – Andrew returns to day shifts from Monday 19/3/18).

Actions:

-       Print Glasgow Herald article and file.

-       Contact London Underground friends and get Oulipo poem printed in New Johnston typeface to add to sketchbook.

-       Evolve literature review to compare and contrast attributes of different artists.

-       Go to Dundas St Gallery for PV for Women’s History Month and document/file.

-       Meet Andrew, Interserve Supervisor after 19/3/18 to define parameters of proposal and fix schedule.